Touché, nutritiondata.com

Finally, someone's made this joke in print.

What the hell?

It's about freaking time.

Youngsters in a suburban Fort Worth, Texas, school district are being taught not to sit there like good boys and girls with their hands folded if a gunman invades the classroom, but to rush him and hit him with everything they've got -- books, pencils, legs and arms.

Legs and arms? Really?

"Getting under desks and praying for rescue from professionals is not a recipe for success," said Robin Browne, a major in the British Army reserve and an instructor for Response Options, the company providing the training to the Burleson schools.

Bonus points for information about the campaign donations made by Response Options.

Browne recommends students and teachers "react immediately to the sight of a gun by picking up anything and everything and throwing it at the head and body of the attacker and making as much noise as possible. Go toward him as fast as we can and bring them down."

Probably you don't need to tell kids to make noise when a gunman enters the room. (Too soon?)

Response Options trains students and teachers to "lock onto the attacker's limbs and use their body weight," Browne said. Everyday classroom objects, such as paperbacks and pencils, can become weapons.

Dear students,
Do not apply these lessons to the classroom bully.
Love,
Response Options

"We show them they can win," he said. "The fact that someone walks into a classroom with a gun does not make them a god. Five or six seventh-grade kids and a 95-pound art teacher can basically challenge, bring down and immobilize a 200-pound man with a gun."

The distinction between carrying a gun and being a god is not quite an argument for this policy.

"It's harder to hit a moving target than a target that is standing still," said 14-year-old Jessica Justice, who received the training over the summer during freshman orientation at Burleson High.

What about Linda Liberty and Sara Safety? Amanda American?

Lassiter questioned, however, whether students should be included in the fight-back training: "That's going to scare the you-know-what out of them."

Yes, I know. Shit. This training will scare the shit out of kids.

"I feel like our kids should be armed with the information that these types of possibilities exist," [president of the Parent-Teacher Organization at Norwood Elementary in Burleson Stacy] Vaughn said.

Personally I think they oughtta run drills.

Tim McCarver is paid to make comments about baseball games.

Your challenge: reconcile this fact with the following gem, delivered at 11:14 p.m. during the broadcast of Game 4 of the Mets-Dodgers NLDS.

I think baseball should ultimately do something for the setup man instead of just calling him a setup man. There should be a hold or something statistically to denote the value of a setup man. Not enough's been done.

Hear, hear.

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