The "Seriously, September Eleventh" Awards

Courtesy of reader Lauren, an awards show devoted to Bush's I-Swear-The-Proximity-of-the-Midterm-Elections-is-Just-a-Coincidence
speech.

We'll start the evening with every liberal's favorite, the This is Why
They Hate Us Award:
"Yet on that awful day, we also witnessed something distinctly
American: ordinary citizens rising to the occasion, and responding
with extraordinary acts of courage."

The Royal We Award goes to:
"On September the 11th, we resolved that we would go on the offense
against our enemies - and we would not distinguish between the
terrorists and those who harbor or support them."

The Get Those Soldiers Some Levers Award goes to:
"They are thrown into panic at the sight of an old man pulling the
election lever ... girls enrolling in school ... or families
worshiping God in their own traditions."

The Glass Houses Award goes to:
"They know that given a choice, people will choose freedom over their
extremist ideology. So their answer is to deny people this choice by
raging against the forces of freedom and moderation."

The There's Only One Beirut, Right? Award goes to:
"From Kabul to Baghdad to Beirut, there are brave men and women
risking their lives each day for the same freedoms that we enjoy. And
they have one question of us: Do we have the confidence to do in the
Middle East what our fathers and grandfathers accomplished in Europe
and Asia?"

The Tell it To Darfur Award goes to:
"Yet America has confronted evil before, and we have defeated it -
sometimes at the cost of thousands of good men in a single battle."

And last but not least, the I Guess It's Not Too Soon for 9/11 Porn
Award goes to:
"The attacks were meant to bring us to our knees, and they did - but
not in the way the terrorists intended."

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Let's face it: they were the Twin Towers. (Eh? Eh?)

A good way to tell how conservative someone really is: Jimmy is on his knees. What is he doing?

Keepin' it real. For example.

Nothing against the French, but the jokes would almost make themselves.